When I started this project, I said I would be honest and forthright. At times I worried about what I had written, I exposed myself, showed my insecurities, frustrations and shared my opinions. I, at times, felt vulnerable, people encouraged me, texted me to see if I was okay. I have to say that when I did talk about my insecurities and vulnerabilities, I didn’t think people would perceive them as weakness or that I was depressed. I am neither, I was just showing what I was feeling and how I was feeling from one day to the next.
I am going to write about something that has me a bit down and frustrated. I am not looking for a sympathetic ear, because this frustration just is… I have more gratitude and perspective than I have ever had in my life, I currently have only “first world” problems as kids are fond of saying. My frustration is that I will not accomplish finishing this journey, the goal has always been to go to the end of the World Series, there is still a month left in the baseball season if you count the post season. People will say nice things, tell me what I did was awesome and even inspirational. I will be comforted by this, I will even find some acceptance.
BUT… I, recently, read about a guy that is traveling to all 195 countries in the world, do you think he will be satisfied with just 189? What about those people who sail around the world, I don’t think they will feel the entire journey is complete if they leave a nautical mile on the table… It is what it is, something I say all the time, life has a way of teaching you hard lessons, I might not know what it is at the moment but it currently feels like “shit”. Lou Presutti who owns and runs Cooperstown Dreams Park talks to the losing team in the championship game every week, the kids are usually upset and have tears running down their face, what he says is a version of the following:
“I hear everybody always say, ‘Hey, it’s OK, it’s all right.’ Well, it’s not OK, and it’s not all right when you don’t achieve your goal. And right now, all that pain you have in your heart, all those tears that are coming down your faces — you’re supposed to feel that way. Because winners hurt and champions feel pain when they don’t attain their goal.”
“Anything in your life you do, if you have a goal and you don’t get to that finish line, you better feel exactly the way you feel right now. If you don’t, then change and do something else.”
These are Lou’s words, I really appreciate them right now, my goal has not been attained and it does hurt. I can comfort myself all I want, I did put all I had into this journey, I learned a lot about the country, baseball and myself. I have been a part of MLB Spring Training, Four Opening Days, The All Star Game, Derek Jeter Day at Yankee Stadium, College World Series, Little League World Series, American Legion World Series, Baseball Hall of Fame, interviewed numerous times on TV, featured in a bunch of newspapers, been on the radio, went to all MLB Stadiums, saw a game in all of the lower 48 states, and on Sunday have gone to a baseball game through the entire regular baseball season.
The last month hasn’t been as easy, major media outlets expressed interest in my story but didn’t pursue them, initially I just rolled with it, but it did hurt the ego a little bit, the interviews with local stations fell off, I was okay with that since that kind of the attention was never the goal but I would be lying if I didn’t enjoy all that attention when I was getting it daily. I always assumed my novelty would get old… I am probably feeling how the Milwaukee Brewers are feeling, the stars were aligned for them most of the season but the last month has not been kind. Like I said I am just expressing my frustration, not looking for encouragement, just being honest and forthright, I will finish up Sunday in Milwaukee with the Brewers, we will probably be feeling the same way.
I am currently in Detroit, going to go to see the Minnesota Twins play the Tigers. I am rooting for the Twins in this one, I want the Kansas City Royals to win the division. Thank you for reading my blog, I appreciate you all.
