As I walk into my brother’s garage the Brewers game is on the TV, my daughter is talking with her Aunt and cousins, my brother and niece’s boyfriend comment on the game, my mom hugs me tight, my dad does the same and says the Brewers are looking good, surprisingly good, he thinks they will be around .500 this year, he always thinks they will be around .500, I tell him if their pitching can hold up.

I feel relaxed, I woke at 10 am, fell asleep at 1 or 2 am, I was anxious from my thoughts.  The Dodgers were at home playing a late game against the Diamondbacks, Grienke versus Kershaw, $65 million dollar match up, Kershaw shined, Grienke not so much.  I was relieved the game was on, I needed the distraction.   My Mom tells me how much she loves me, she has a tear in her eye, I tell her I will be okay.

The TV sits up high, big screen, when purchased, it was the “biggest”, he is competitive with my other brother.  Like the radio when we were kids, the TV is used for Brewer baseball, mostly background noise until something happens, we stop watch or listen and then continue.  Brewers lose to the Cubs 11-6.

I purchased a new pro model glove from Rawlings, it was delivered when I was in the hospital, I had my daughter bring it, my sister laughed and kept laughing, it made me happy, at 50 it was my first new glove in 35 years.  I retrieve it from the car, I want to play catch.  I am patient and play with my sister, daughter and niece.

We eat, we sit, we talk, and we laugh, my brother’s big personality shines through, he makes me smile.  He has lots of Brewers memorabilia in his family room, seats and part of the outfield wall from County Stadium, his wedding invitation to Robin Yount who RSVPed but could not attend, ticket stubs.  My niece insists her boyfriend see, he is impressed.

My parents need to get on the road, my Mom gives me a big hug, my dad the same, he states, with a  grin and his trademark wink, the Brewers will be the surprise team this year.  I want to spend more time with them, I miss them, I make a mental note to check in often.  I will use Dad as a resource he has been through some of the emotional parts, besides I like his baseball banter, he likes to study the box scores, his memory is sharp.

We start to reminisce and share parts of ourselves, I look around, my oldest nieces have become women their personalities the same as when they were young, not as confident and assured, but the same, adulthood and responsibility colliding with hopes and dreams.  I look at my daughter, her smile is comforting, she has a lot of love in her heart for me, I think of her 25 years into the future, I want to be around for her and her family, I want to bring her kids to a ball game, play catch with them, see them laugh.

As we clean up and say our good byes the power of family and connection is strong, I feel it, staying in the moment and expressing the love, I kiss my daughter good bye, I tell her to drive safe, she assures me I will be okay, I chuckle to myself.  Walking to my car my youngest niece zips past me on her scooter, she looks at me and says “What?’, I tell her I love her, she smiles and continues down the road, she is seven.  As I drive away, I have a tinge of pain in my heart, it is nothing, it will take time to get back to normal.  The Dodgers play another late game, it will help me relax before bed.