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Day 211 “Comfortable and not happy…”

As I sit at yet another Starbucks, this time in St Petersburg, Florida, I’m reflecting on the last eight months and trying to “square” in my mind that this is ending.  As much as I want to get back to some normalcy, I fear that I will fall back into being comfortable and not happy.  I know that I will find joy talking with and seeing my daughter regularly, that is a given. What I am talking about is the feeling I have of getting up and not caring that it’s a Monday or a Friday.  People will say, “Yeah, but you were living a dream.” I agree, getting to do what I have done. However, I have met many people that love getting up each morning and going to work.

I am sure Derek Jeter would continue to play baseball everyday if he could. He has more than enough money to travel, buy, and do whatever he wants.  What I have found out is that you can be very happy living with hardly anything. I have had help in this “dream” venture. Without my brother Chad, this project would have been over a few months ago. I need to make a commitment to myself, and to all that have been apart of this journey in any way, that I will continue.  I have more than enough material to write a book. If I didn’t do that I would be missing out at another opportunity to grow and overcome something I have always wanted to do. But, I have told myself that “Nobody would read it”; or, “It is too hard”; or, “What I write makes no sense”.

The EMT's in front of the scoreboard.
The EMT’s in front of the scoreboard.

I met a lady in Williamsport, who is a paramedic and was working the Little League Championship game. Her crew was on a medical cart in front of the scoreboard, they were standing on it to watch the game. When the game ended, they continued to stand and were oblivious to the crowd taking pictures. Some were grumbling that they were in the way, but no one said anything. I finally asked if they could move, she said, “Yes, of course” and they didn’t hesitate to get out of the way. The had not give much thought to their ‘position’ interfering with ‘picture taking’; and, I was probably a bit stern with her and her crew. I left the game and went to a local Starbucks, as I sat and tried to write a post that day, I thought about how “stern” I must have seemed. As I was thinking this, the paramedic came in.  I went up to her thanked her for moving, she laughed about it and we had this great conversation for the next three hours. We talked about an array of subjects like we were old friends.  I had to leave, needing to get my next stop. We exchanged numbers. And, occasionally, she has checked-in, after she has read my blog, to comment.

I bring that story up because it was her that made me finally realize that what I write, or how I write, affects people.  I am not dismissing the importance all the other people that read and have commented. I am trying to show that people have come into my life at moments when I have least expected it and conveyed a message that many others have had already; but, I didn’t quite hear. I hope she doesn’t mind, but part of text she sent to me the other day said this, “…it might say something about your character if I tell you that each blog I have read just makes me smile about how you interact with people and the world. Not to mention the things you are experiencing – it’s your take on them that is so enjoyable to read…”  That hit me, especially the word “enjoyable”, why I don’t know. Chad brings up stories that he tells people to read. My sister, Debbie, will call  laughing about something I have written and I love it. I have reread different posts at times and I tend to get caught up in the grammar, or sentence structure, etc.

My mindset has been that this will end. I need to ‘realize’ that this part of my journey will end.  I have the ability and material to continue writing. I can actually do another project concerning baseball (I already have another one in mind that doesn’t involve traveling all over the country and won’t cost very much). I will write a book about this adventure. I think I worry to much about things I can’t control, like getting it published and if people will read it.  I have to realize that the joy is in the process. Yes, I will have to get a job. Everyone needs to make money to survive; but, I don’t have to let it determine how happy I am going to be day to day. I am hitting my stride in my life and have always been a late bloomer.

I still have some goals I need to meet regarding this journey. Tomorrow, I should accomplish another one. I will be in Miami and will have gone to a game at all the MLB ball parks.  The last one is to go to a game everyday during the baseball season. The baseball season ends with the final out of the World Series. Unfortunately, I might have to settle with going to the end of the regular MLB season. It is what it is. Life is like that sometimes. Even though, I do hope I will be able to get to some of the post season games.

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1 thought on “Day 211 “Comfortable and not happy…”

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